


The Note

by PhantomDiscoveries



Category: South Park
Genre: Accidental Relationship, Angst, Bi-Curiosity, Bisexual Male Character, Bullied Character, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Crying, Depression, Gay Male Character, Hesitation, Hurt/Comfort, Inner Dialogue, Junior High, Love Confessions, Love Letters, Love Triangles, M/M, Middle School, Misunderstandings, Puberty, School, Sexual Confusion, Swearing, Tragic Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 14:32:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4395542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomDiscoveries/pseuds/PhantomDiscoveries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Butters writes a love note for Cartman, things are bound to go horribly wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Note

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story dealing with themes of Sexual confusion and Homosexual male characters...and being a straight female I don't exactly know what it's like struggling with confused sexuality and coming out of the closet, so please bear with me. <3

Butters rolled the edges of the little pink note nervously. He took a deep breath staring down at the piece of paper he prepared for his secret crush. 

When Butters turned twelve, he started to go through puberty, like most other boys his age. However, he realized that he found himself more attracted to boys, even though he knew he should like girls because that was what his parents wanted, that's what the world wanted. No matter how much Butters tried to shake the attraction, it stuck like a thorn. He couldn't help but imagine himself as the prince in a Disney movie being saved by another prince. And there was only one prince in particular Butters wanted to be saved by: Eric Cartman. 

That's why Butters wrote this note. He had to tell Eric how he felt. Butters reread his message for the millionth time, just to make sure it didn't sound too dumb.

You're a great friend, but there is something I need to tell you. I love you. I have for awhile and I hope you will like me back. I understand if you never want to talk to me again, but I wanted you to know my true feelings.   
-Butters Stotch

The blonde boy sighed as he stood in front of Cartman's locker. It was such a simple mission, just put the letter in the locker, Butters told himself, but he just stood there crumpling the note in his anxious hands. He gathered all his courage and shoved the letter through the slots of the locker. He waited to hear the letter hit the books and papers inside to confirm what he had just done. At that moment, Butters heart dropped. What if Eric hurts me for this, what if he makes fun of me, what if he doesn't feel the same way, Butters panicked. He put his hand to the locker wishing he could pass through the metal to take back his letter, but what was done was done and there was nothing the blonde could do now. 

Butters turned heel and ran from the locker, hopefully no one saw him. Plus, he wanted to get out of there before Eric showed up. Why do I have to be this way? Butters' powder blue eyes started to become misty as he sulked away. 

He remembered how this all started. It was at his twelfth birthday party. All his so called friends were there, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Eric. Eric had convinced Butters to have his birthday party at Super Phun Thyme, so the larger kid could go on all the rides. Butters didn't argue with the roly-poly boy, he never did. He particularly wanted to make Eric happy, because he wanted Eric to like him. Butters considered Eric his best friend and maybe even his only friend, depending on the way the other boys were treating him that week. 

Butters was, however, feeling very high-strung about this situation. Lately, he had been thinking of Eric differently, as more than just a friend. Butters couldn't stop thinking about Eric, every time the chubby boy came to mind, Butters felt butterflies in his stomach. He couldn't grasp why, shouldn't he be feeling this way about a girl? 

The group of boys at the birthday party were gathered around an arcade game. Kenny and Kyle were holding fake plastic guns at the screen shooting computerized aliens. "Take that you Fuckin' aliens," Kenny muffled through his parka hood. Butters wedged himself between the boys so he could see what was happening. "Ay!" Cartman barked, "Stop touching me you little fag." Butters realized he had placed his hand on Eric's lower back to stabilize himself. Butters looked up at Cartman who was seething at the blonde. Kyle glanced back, "Don't get mad at Butters, he was just trying to see around your fat ass." The boys all giggled except Butters and Cartman. Butters didn't care that Cartman had a little pudge to him, in fact he thought it was kind of cute. "Don't call Eric a … a fat ass," Butters kindly said to Kyle. Kyle just stared at the small blonde, but quickly went back to his game. Butters blushed at the larger boy. At that moment, Cartman's face turned beet red. Eric was truly taken aback by the sudden kindness from Butters. He looked at the smaller boy earnestly, "Thank you, Butters." 

Now that Butters looked back at this moment, he realized it was the first moment he felt like he had a crush on Eric. The sincereness in Eric's voice sent shivers down Butters' spine. He ended up convincing himself that Eric felt the same way and the two would eventually fall in love and get married and all that sappy stuff. 

Two years had passed since then, but Butters never gave up on his feelings for Eric. He still went along with Eric's schemes just so he could be close to his secret love, even if he insulted and made fun of him, often. Butters hoped one day he could see that heartfelt side of Cartman again.

Butters felt like he had gained enough distance from the locker and the note. He backed up into a wall and slid down to sit on the hallways floor. His heart was beating violently making his whole body shake. The note still pestered his mind. The ever optimistic boy plastered a smile on his face, You did it Butters, gosh darn it, that's all that matters, he told himself. 

At that moment a familiar band of boys wandered out of a nearby classroom. Kyle was the first to acknowledge Butters, "Hey, Butters, what are you doing on the floor?" Butters composed himself and stood up fast, "I … I was just resting," Butters replied. Butters thought Kyle had a wide cute smile that reached to the edges of his face where his rusty hair curled from beneath his ushanka. Kenny followed behind Kyle with the familiar orange parka, his hood was pulled up. He muffled a 'Hey' at Butters. Butters eyes darted to who was following Kenny. Eric was still a chunky kid, but what he lacked in body he made up for in face. Eric was still quite handsome for a fat kid, he had soft dark hair and a naughty, Machiavellian smile, much like his personality. Butters felt a lump form in his throat from the sight of his crush. Butters smiled weakly at the boys, "I've gotta' go fellers, I, ah … I'll see you … um … later." Butters excused himself and quickly left. He couldn't face the boy who he was about to kind of confess to. 

Kenny's fox-like eyes followed Butters as he dashed out of sight, "What's up with him?" he said as he pulled his hood off to reveal his flaxen hair and charming grin. Cartman nudged Kenny, "maybe the little fag's got a crush on you." Kenny rolled his eyes at Cartman, "Whatever, dude. You're probably just jealous he likes me more than you." Kenny stuck his tongue out as he passed Cartman on his way to his locker. 

The golden haired boy spun the numbered lock to open the door. Cartman took his place next to Kenny, and opened his own locker. A small pink slip of paper fluttered out of Kenny's locker. Cartman glanced over at Kenny, who bent over to pick up the note. "Looks like Ken's got another secret admirer," Kyle sighed. Kenny didn't say anything, he just kept rereading the small letter. "Well," Cartman snapped, "who's it from?" Kenny swallowed hard, "It's from Butters."


	2. I'm Not Gay

Cartman yanked the little pink note from Kenny's hands and looked it over. His teasing smile soon turned into a grimace. Cartman crumpled the note and threw it back to Kenny, "Perfect. You two butt pirates can go make out now." Kyle inched over to Kenny, "What does it say?" A disoriented Kenny uncrumpled the paper and handed it to the red haired boy who quickly read the love letter. "Woah, dude," Kyle's eyes widened, "looks like Butters really does have a crush on you." 

At that moment Wendy and Stan drifted towards the boys. "Hey guys," Stan scanned his friends and saw that Kenny was holding a small love note, "what's that?" Kenny was about to answer when Cartman nudged in front of him, "It's a love note from that little fag," Cartman crossed his arms. "Oh you mean Butters?" Stan questioned, "He…gave Kenny a love note?" 

Cartman rolled his eyes. Kenny surveyed the heavy-set boy, "What, are you jealous, fat ass?" Cartman went red, "I'm not jealous!" The group of boys stared at Cartman, at a loss for words. "Oh, and I'm not fat!" Cartman added. With that Cartman stormed off. Wendy groaned, "What a douche bag." 

Cartman's heart was racing. The large boy was outraged. I'm not gay, how dare those faggots accuse me of being jealous of stupid, poor Kenny! Besides, why would I like that pussy Butters? Cartman clenched his fists. Cartman's mind went to the little blonde. His instant memories of the boy were only of kind ones, they made Cartman sick. Stupid Butters is always so nice and considerate, I suppose he's not ugly, he's even sort of cu-- Cartman caught himself, was he just about to think Butters was cute? Eric couldn't lie, he found Butters' small frame, his almost platinum hair and big blue eyes attractive. Stop, Stop, Stop, you HATE Butters, remember, Cartman tried to shake the thoughts. The chunky boy decided it was best if he went home, he wasn't feeling to well, besides he probably could get his mom to make him something delicious to eat.

"MAAM, I'M HOME!" Cartman bellowed. There was no answer, Cartman figured she was likely out being her usual crack whore self. "Great," the chubby kid said to himself, "now I have to fend for myself." He went into his kitchen and found a bag of his favorite snack, Cheesy Poofs. Cartman flopped onto the couch as he munched away on the cheesy snack. His mind wandered back to what happened at school just moments ago. Those guys are just playing, they don't actually think I'm GAY, Cartman laughed to himself, obviously Butters is gay, not me. 

He thought back to Butter's birthday party two years ago. He was watching Kyle and Kenny playing an arcade game at Super Phun Thyme. He practically demanded that Butters have his party there because he wanted to go on the rides. His so called friends were getting really into the game when Cartman felt a delicate hand on his lower back. The oddly tender contact made Cartman tremble. The large boy followed the arm the hand connected to. Butters! Cartman pushed the small boy off of him. Something about even the smallest touch from the boy made Cartman feel uneasy. Of course, Cartman couldn't just stare at Butters like an idiot, especially with the jew around who was probably scheming to embarrass Cartman, so the large boy did what he was best at, and began to call Butters derogatory words. Then Kyle had to get in on the action to defend the little blonde. 

Eric was about to snap back at the red head, when something, at that moment, caught the large boy off guard. "Don't call Eric a … a fat ass," Butters had stood up for him. Eric just gaped at the small boy, but when he saw Butters blushing it set something off in him. He felt a warmth in his abdomen, it spread through his body to his cheeks. 

Cartman fidgeted, he was obviously uncomfortable, he wasn't being true to himself. Of course Cartman had been afflicted by thoughts about other boys, but that didn't make him gay, did it? Cartman licked his cheese covered fingers. He supposed it was nice that someone liked him, even if it was Butters. In fact, Cartman speculated that Butters was probably the only person who ever showed fondness for him, except maybe his mother. 

Cartman crushed a few cheesy poofs in his hand, It doesn't make sense, shouldn't Butters like ME, not Kenny. The large boy shook his head vigorously, What am I thinking, stupid Kenny, Stupid Butters. " I'm not gay, I'm not gay," Cartman repeated to himself. The front door swung open abruptly, Cartman's mom stumbled in looking disarranged. Cartman was still muttering to himself. "Hello poopsikins, " Liane made her way over to her son. "I'M NOT GAY!" Cartman shouted and immediately covered his mouth. Did I really just say that out loud! Liane gaped at her son, "Wh… what?" The large boy shot up off the couch, "I said…it's a nice day, hehehe," Cartman laughed nervously and waddled as fast as he could up to his room. 

Cartman slammed the door to his room, What the fuck is wrong with me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want cheesy poofs


	3. Curiosity

Kenny stared at the note he had found in his locker earlier. He sat on Stan's couch, while Stan and Kyle played a video game. The golden haired boy was flattered that Butters liked him, but Kenny was pretty outspoken about his love for the female gender. However, he was slightly intrigued by this sudden development. Kenny was always at the forefront of depravity, in fact, he was the first of his friends to lose his virginity. He thought to himself, maybe I could be the first to have a gay experience too. The poverty-stricken boy laughed to himself, the thought was almost ridiculous. Although, he had no problem with gay people, he never pictured himself with another boy. He had to admit, Butter was feminine and down right cute enough. 

Stan peeked back at Kenny, who had an empty-headed grin on his boyish face. "So what are you going to do about Butters?" He asked. Kenny was still lost in his thoughts. Kyle noticed, "Kenny?" he questioned the golden haired boy, "are you okay?" Kenny came back to Earth, "Yeah, I was just thinking about Butters." Stan and Kyle gave each other puzzled looks. "You're going to tell him you don't like him, right?" Stan asked. Kenny shrugged, "I don't know," Kenny beamed, "maybe I'll give the little guy a chance." Kyle's eyes shot open, "but Kenny, that'd make you g…" "Gay?" Kenny cut him off, "I'm just curious, dude. Butters is nice enough, so why not give in to his puppy love." Kyle eyed the game controller in his hands, trying not to look at his newly bisexual friend. "Well," the red head started to speak while still looking everywhere, but at Kenny, "you're going to get a lot of shit from Cartman." Kenny pouted provocatively, "something tells me the fat ass wishes he was in my position."

Butters had went home to calm himself, not to mention he was grounded for accidentally breaking a plate and couldn't go anywhere, but school. Butters was a ball of emotions. Part of him was excited, he thought there could be a chance Eric felt the same way for him, at least Butters hoped he did. Chances were Eric would tell all the fella's at school that Butters was a little pussy fag and maybe beat him up. Butters tried to keep his thoughts pleasant, but an awful thought crawled in like a spider, what if Eric never talks to me again? It was Butters worst fear, he could take the larger boy not feeling the same way, but their "friendship" was also at stake. Butters began to whimper, there was no denying that he loved the fat boy and if he lost him it would shake his soul to the very core. 

Butters quietly smeared the tears on his reddening cheeks. Without notice, Butters cell phone chimed. "H…Hello," Butters sniffled. "Hey," the voice on the other line sounded uneasy, "it's…Kenny," the voice finally stammered. Butters blinked in surprise, why would Kenny call me? Butters and Kenny had hung out a few times as younger kids, but ever since entering junior high school they didn't talk much, unless he was hanging out with the group of boys. "Well hi there, Kenny," Butters smiled, "it's nice to hear from you." 

"So… um, Butters, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out some time?" Kenny's voice trembled slightly. Butters giggled, it was truly nice to hear from Kenny, it was always nice to have someones company. "S…sure," Butters said in his usual stutter, "but…. ah, I'm groun… grounded." Butters could practically hear the frown Kenny for sure plastered on his face. "Oh," he murmured, "well, maybe we can talk at school then." Butters exhaled, "sure, I'll see you tomorrow." Butters hung up the phone, he wondered what Kenny meant by 'talk'. The petite blonde let it slide, and decided to start working on his homework.


	4. I Need To Forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had all the inner thoughts of the characters in Italics, but now they are not so I'm eventually going to go back into these last few chapters to change it up so you can tell when it's the character thinking and not just Random Third to first person change <3 Thank you <3

Butters pranced into school, today he was going to find out if Eric likes him. The yellow haired boy made his way towards his locker with a huge grin on his face. His round youthful cheeks were stained a light pink. As he turn the corner in the hall, what was waiting for him at his locker made his heart skip a beat. A golden haired boy stood in front of Butters locker looking flawlessly casual. "Weh…Well hello, Kenny," Butters smiled at Kenny. Kenny suddenly perked up, "Hey, Butters." Kenny gave Butters a sheepish smile. Butters popped open his locker revealing a large hello kitty magnet stuck to the door. Kenny leaned next to Butters, he snickered, "funny thing about lockers, you can fit things through the little slots in the door." Kenny reached up and fingered the openings in the locker. Butters heart sunk, did Kenny see me put the note in Eric's locker, did Eric tell him? 

"Wha…what?" Butters tried to smile like he didn't know what Kenny was talking about. Kenny smirk, "Yeah, you know like love notes or other things." Butters started to knock his knuckles together. The blond turned to look Kenny in the eye. " Oh, hehehe, I suppose," Butters chuckled nervously, "um… look, Kenny, I'm, ah, going to be late for cla…class. So, I'll see you later, okay." The elfin boy quickly shut his locker and took off down the hallway. Kenny just watched with a smirk on his face, he's so cute when he's nervous.

Butters settled into his seat in his first class, his heart was racing, they know. Eric must hate me, he's telling everyone so they can make fun of me. Butters stiffened when he saw the one and only Eric Cartman walk into the classroom. Butters flushed, oh gosh, I'm going to get it now. Eric glared at the small blonde before taking a seat not far from him. Oh, Jesus. He looks sore, Butters put his head in his hands. 

Eric was unusually quiet the entire class, he mostly kept his head down, scratching swastikas and swear words into his desk. Butters would timidly glance over at the large boy, trying to somehow read his mind. Butters couldn't help but turn his thoughts to the worst possible consequences of the note. He'll never talk to me again, ran through the small blondes head. Butters began to feel tears creep into the corners of his eyes. "Oh, hamburgers," Butters muttered under his breath as he sniffled. 

The bell rang signifying the end of class. The students began to filter out of the classroom leaving behind Butters and Eric. Butters knocked his knuckles together, while Cartman was still scratching at his desk awkwardly. "Er," Butters chirped, but Eric didn't look up from his desk. The elfish boy exhaled, I have to talk to him. 

" E…Eric?" 

The chubby kid still didn't look up, but shifted uncomfortably. Butters shuffled over to where Eric was sitting,

"Eric, I… I'm sor…sorry." Butters hiccuped trying to hold back his tears. 

" What? You're sorry?" Eric was confused, did Butters know he had feelings for the small blonde? What am I thinking, Eric thought, I don't have 'feelings' for that little pussy. Eric quickly stood up, "I don't know what you're talking about," he lied. 

Butters eyes widened, "My…My note." 

Cartman smirked, "I knew you were a faggot." Butters heart sank for the second time that day, his fears were coming true. He couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Cartman grumbled, the crying disturbed him. "What are you crying about?" Eric grumbled. 

Butters wiped his nose, "you… you must hate me." Eric froze, Shit he does know, he knows I'm jealous….I mean why would I be jealous!? Eric chuckled to himself, " I do hate you, I've always hated you, I pretty much hate everyone," he gave a shrug mentally blocking his feelings. The smaller boy looked as though he was about to snap, he had poured his heart out to Eric and he just stood there acting so nonchalant. 

Eric nudged past Butters, hitting his shoulder on his way to the door. He stopped when he reached the door frame to look back at the blond, who was paralyzed in the middle of the empty room. The large boy felt a pain in his chest, I hate myself, Eric thought for a moment. "Hey, Butters," He called back, Butters looked up with a small glimmer of hope in his blue eyes. "Don't ever talk to me again." And just like that the fire in Butters' heart was snuffed out, his eyes were glued to the chubby boy as he left the classroom who was seemingly unfazed by the events that had just occurred. Butters tears flowed freely now, but his mind was blank.

Eric rushed out of the classroom as fast as he could, he was feeling claustrophobic and needed air. His sanity was a mess, It's better if I just don't talk to him, it's better if I pretend he doesn't exist, then I'll forget, I need to forget.

**Author's Note:**

> So, uh, there is the first chapter, I hope it makes sense ( I tend to be a little confusing) and I hope Butters is cute enough <3 He's a little innocent daisy. The characters might not be in character, but I'm trying my hardest gosh darn it!


End file.
